The other day one of my good friends, who I met at a summer camp for children and teens with cancer that is sponsored by Johns Hopkins (http://www.campsunrisemd.com/aboutcamp.htm), posted on her Facebook that she needs friends. She is still on treatment and her post made me remember how I felt that same way when I was in treatment. I felt isolated, like I was in this little boat all alone in the middle of this vast ocean. I was in this little row boat, doing everything I could to survive, while everyone else my age was on this giant cruise ship right next to me, having fun and enjoying life. It was all right there around me so I could see it, hear about it, but I could never reach it. My treatment prevented me from being part of it. Many times, I wanted nothing else but to go and join that social event that I knew all my friends and classmates would be attending. Many times I just wanted friends again. Yet, I was stuck in the hospital or at home completely isolated from all my friends and their fun activities.
Hospital rooms get very lonely, with only a parent beside you and a nurse who wanders in and out. No one else is there. You may spend weeks or months in that room, rarely leaving. Those long days cooped up in a small room can take their toll emotionally. When you finally get to go home, it is not always much better. There may be the comforts of everything you know and your family who loves you, but being stuck at home in bed or on the couch can sometimes feel like a jail cell, like a prison, from which you cannot escape. Sometimes you may feel hopeless and alone, knowing you still have a long road ahead of you. This feeling of isolation is often increased the closer you get to finishing your treatment. You start feeling a little better, yet your immune system is still not strong enough to return to school, and you still don’t have that much energy. I felt like I was stuck in time, waiting for what seemed like forever to finish my treatment, while everyone else around me was moving on, growing up and enjoying life. I almost felt more isolated toward the end of my treatment because I was not seriously sick and tired all the time, yet I still couldn’t get involved due to my immunosuppressed condition. It was my choice to accept this isolation so I could maximize the success of my treatment. I believed that giving my body the chance to get through the chemo without introducing infections from outside sources would improve my chances of beating the cancer. In my next post, I will discuss some of the ways I coped with this isolation, both in the middle and towards the end of my treatment…
Hospital rooms get very lonely, with only a parent beside you and a nurse who wanders in and out. No one else is there. You may spend weeks or months in that room, rarely leaving. Those long days cooped up in a small room can take their toll emotionally. When you finally get to go home, it is not always much better. There may be the comforts of everything you know and your family who loves you, but being stuck at home in bed or on the couch can sometimes feel like a jail cell, like a prison, from which you cannot escape. Sometimes you may feel hopeless and alone, knowing you still have a long road ahead of you. This feeling of isolation is often increased the closer you get to finishing your treatment. You start feeling a little better, yet your immune system is still not strong enough to return to school, and you still don’t have that much energy. I felt like I was stuck in time, waiting for what seemed like forever to finish my treatment, while everyone else around me was moving on, growing up and enjoying life. I almost felt more isolated toward the end of my treatment because I was not seriously sick and tired all the time, yet I still couldn’t get involved due to my immunosuppressed condition. It was my choice to accept this isolation so I could maximize the success of my treatment. I believed that giving my body the chance to get through the chemo without introducing infections from outside sources would improve my chances of beating the cancer. In my next post, I will discuss some of the ways I coped with this isolation, both in the middle and towards the end of my treatment…
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