Finding Your Flow

I have recently realized that, as a Duke Student, I am seriously lacking in intellectual reading experience.  So, while at the mall with some friends last weekend, I took a trip to Barnes and Noble on a search for some thought-provoking, useful reading.  I was definitely NOT going to wander through any of the political science or current events aisles. As much as I like history and am a proponent of keeping up with the times, I’m all about staying positive and I don’t find current events/politics so useful for that!  Instead, as I wandered around, I surprisingly found a “Psychology” section, which I excitedly browsed.  Initially I just saw a bunch of semi-ridiculous self-help books that did not seem all that helpful, and there were certainly enough books on serious mental illness.  As I started to lose hope, thinking I would just not find that perfect intellectual read on the art of staying positive, I FOUND IT.

Flow.  One word and incredibly powerful.  “The psychology of optimal experience”; five words that I really like.  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the author of Flow, had written exactly what I was looking for.

I bought the book right away, and began reading it the next day.  My favorite quote from the first chapter is this: 

"What I discovered was that happiness is not something that happens.  It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something money can buy or power command.  It does not depend on outside events, but, rather, how we interpret them.  Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy.”

I don’t totally agree with everything he says, because I think it is hard to really control one’s inner experience.  But, I do believe he hits the nail on the head in saying happiness depends on how we interpret what happens to us and how we prepare for it, cultivate it, and defend it.  Csikszentmihlyi writes that being able to do all of that enables you to have what he calls “optimal experience.”

Let’s be real though….how much “optimal experience” is going on in pediatric or adult oncology clinics?  That was my question….until I thought about it, and realized…how do the little kids who go through something as awful as cancer treatment wander around the playroom smiling and playing as if nothing was “different?”  Their childhood was happy, then something came and threatened it.  But, as kids, they naturally prepare to be happy and cultivate happiness.  So, when their happiness was at risk, they defended it by playing, just playing and finding the toys in the midst of IV poles, baldness, and masks.

I wonder if they have this whole thing figured out?  I wonder if we can prepare to be happy, to cultivate happiness, and to defend our happiness when it is threatened, by doing what those little kids in the playroom do. 

Even if you aren’t looking to play with legos or American Girl dolls anytime soon, you could find a thought-provoking book like Flow or do something else that helps you cultivate and defend your happiness.  You can check out one of my old blog posts, Finding Your Happy Place, for some similar suggestions.  But, I have also found that simply learning to interpret the events that have happened to me, as Csikszentmihlyi suggested, makes it much easier for me to make all my experiences optimal experiences.  I can look back at some of my own experiences and note some that are quite the opposite of optimal.  

There was the time that…

•  I was suffering through the most agonizingly painful spinal headache for 28 days;

• I learned that the Swine Flu outbreak meant I would not be allowed to go to my 10th grade homecoming dance;
  

• I hallucinated and shivered under a pile of ice while doctors tried everything to bring down the 104+ degree fever I spiked because of an allergic reaction to platelets;

• I wore a bathing suit around my peers for the first time (revealing the stretch marks on my arms and legs from the steroids and the nice bigs scars from my 2 ports);
  

• I received a 40% on several of my organic chemistry tests (threatening my med school dreams);
  

• I did not get accepted to a really awesome summer internship in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (which would have been the greatest premed opportunity);
  

• And now I find myself indecisive about whether to continue on my path to medical school or rather go into clinical psychology.  
  

That being said, I distinctly remember something positive in the midst of or after each of those experiences, and I choose to interpret those experiences as just prequels to some of the most amazing moments of my life.  

Towards the end of my 28 day spinal headache, I found out I was in remission and officially cancer free.  Shortly after homecoming in the fall of 10th grade, I returned to high school after having been absent for 2 years.  The first time I wore a bathing suit, revealing what my treatment did to me, no one noticed or cared and I had the most amazing time at the pool with all of my friends.  When I got those 40%’s on my Organic Chemistry tests, my friends just happened to have been struggling with something too and we all decided we’d do something fun together to get over the bummer of the bad grades.  When I didn’t get into the NICU summer internship, I ended up back here at Duke doing a summer research practicum in the lab of one of my psychology professors, which has been an incredible learning experience and has helped me get a better idea of whether I prefer medicine or psychology for my future.  

When you think about your experiences, you can interpret them however you want.  But, I encourage you to at least take some time to find out the best way to make your life experiences optimal experiences :-)  Cancer, and any major challenge really, can seem like a barrier to what you are trying to achieve.  However, such obstacles can also serve as motivators and reminders to live fully.  It just depends on you.